


I Remember

by woahnope



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drug Abuse, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:03:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woahnope/pseuds/woahnope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry watches by the sidelines, as Louis slowly becomes broken, but doesn't know how to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Remember

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Please do not continue if you suffer from depression, self-harm, have an eating disorder or if you are suicidal. Know that if you need someone to talk to, you can leave a message for me on my Tumblr, which you can find on my profile.
> 
> Also, please don't get offended by the homophobic slurs. I am in no way a homophobe. :)
> 
> This is a work of pure fiction, and I obviously do not own One Direction.
> 
> Hi! This is my very first fic (which I have ever put up on any website). Hope you like it :)
> 
> [EDIT: A [very kind soul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OzeraLady) has helped to translate this to Russian, so if you want to read it, you can find it [here](http://ficbook.net/readfic/1454010).]  
> The whole story is in Harry's POV.

Harry’s POV

I remember  
There was a boy  
He had thick glasses  
With a dark black frame  
He lived next to me  
He hid himself at home  
But nobody knew what he did  
Nobody knew his name  
Or how old he was  
People just knew that he was lonely

I remember  
There was a boy  
He had thick glasses  
With a dark black frame  
He lived next to me  
He went to the same middle school as me  
He was the nerd of the school  
Constantly getting the top grades  
People started bullying him for no reason  
Calling him “brainless little idiot”  
Even though he had a brain  
But still nobody knew what he did  
Still nobody knew his name  
But people knew how old he was  
He was twelve, I think  
He was still lonely

I remember  
There was a boy  
He lived next to me  
He had changed  
Thick glasses with dark black frames  
No longer sat on his nose  
He started wearing contact lenses  
No longer was he the quiet boy he once was  
He wasn’t lonely  
He was in the popular clique  
His grades dropped significantly from then on  
I saw him from a window one day  
He punched people with thick black glasses  
In the middle of the street  
I was put in the same class as him  
I was really scared  
But sometimes I caught him throwing glances at me  
I wonder why  
Now everybody knew his name  
His name was Louis  
He was fourteen years old

I remember  
There was a boy  
He lived next to me  
He had changed once more  
Contact lenses gone  
Now he doesn’t even wear spectacles  
He was back to being the quiet boy in school  
Do you want to know why?  
Sure, I’ll tell you  
A year ago,  
The boy – Louis – came out as gay  
Everyone left him  
He was no longer in the popular clique  
He got pushed up the lockers  
Beaten in the streets  
Shouted at  
“Gay”, “faggot” and “queer”  
Occasionally when I went to the toilet  
I would hear him  
Crying, shedding tears of despair  
Into the toilet sink  
His grades declined steeply  
I watched from next door  
His sisters would get bullied  
Because of him  
His parents got increasingly worried  
But he always shrugged it off  
Saying “I’m fine, peachy keen.”  
Little did his parents know  
He cried in his room nightly  
I could hear his muffled sobs  
Through the thin walls of my house  
He was sixteen years old  
If only he knew  
I had a crush on him

I remember  
There was a boy  
He lived next to me  
He hadn’t changed  
No glasses, no contacts  
He was still quiet  
He was still bullied  
I noticed one thing  
He was getting dangerously skinny  
And cuts littered his arms  
Could the bullying have gotten too far?  
I guess so  
Now he never left his house  
He didn’t go to school  
I could hear his whimpers from next door  
He would call himself a failure  
A waste of space  
A loss of face  
A family disgrace  
I would hear him purging as quietly as possible  
Turning up the music  
In hope that no one would hear  
A letter was already sent to his house from the school  
That he was being truant  
If only they knew what was happening to him  
Behind closed doors  
I think he missed his entire senior year in high school  
He was seventeen years old  
I want to tell him someday  
That I love him  
Maybe that might improve the situation

I remember  
There was a boy  
He lived next to me  
One day I slipped a message  
Through the tiny opening of his house door  
“You alright mate? Listen to some music  
It really might help  
But if you need me  
I’m just next door.”  
I suppose he read the message  
He was next door  
Listening to uplifting music  
I heard some Union J  
Some Ed Sheeran  
Even more Kelly Clarkson  
I hoped I helped him  
I didn’t want him to leave  
He was nineteen  
And my crush on him  
Was worse than ever

I remember  
There was a boy  
He lived next to me  
Well not anymore  
One fateful day the cops found him  
In broad daylight  
On the basement of the flat  
Not moving  
Not breathing  
Just his body lying there  
Lifeless  
I couldn’t stop crying  
My very first crush; my first love  
Was gone  
Tears rushed down my face  
As I grieved in regret  
Why didn’t I care for him earlier?  
I could’ve saved him  
But I didn’t  
I didn’t know how to

I remember  
There was a girl  
She came up to my door  
And knocked three times  
She was innocently polite  
I unlocked the door  
And recognised her as the boy's - Louis' - sister  
In her hands she held a note  
Neat, with no creases  
I thanked her for the letter  
My eyes were still swollen  
And as the door was closed shut  
I unfolded the note

Hey mate  
Louis here  
I just wanted to tell you how much I love you  
From the very first day of high school  
I had a crush on you  
But I know you’re straight  
You’d never love me  
So I decided to keep mum about my feelings towards you  
I like how you’re gentle  
And kind  
And smart  
But most of all, you helped me  
Never mind the brief period of time it worked  
Just know that in a few minutes  
I’ll be in a better place  
Serenity  
Peaceful serenity  
In the darkness and peace of heaven  
Or hell, because I’m gay  
I just hope you know that  
I love you

The note was signed off with an ‘L’  
And two kisses  
I wept  
And wept  
And wept  
Kept weeping  
“Why didn’t I help him  
Just a little bit more  
Or gave him my love?  
I could have saved him  
Saved him from all the damage  
The pain  
The sorrow  
Why?”

Soon after, I made a decision  
I lined up all the bottles  
Bottles and bottles  
Even more bottles of pills  
I swallowed all of them into my system  
One  
By one  
Another  
Some more  
And soon  
I would join Louis  
The boy who was hurt  
Broken  
I would spend all my time up there with him  
I will protect him  
To make up for all the time I’ve wasted

I’ll join you soon Louis  
I promise

With that I slipped into the darkness  
Very soon, Louis.

**Author's Note:**

> I cried while writing this. I hope you cried while reading it. Your comments & kudos keep me going. :)


End file.
